Embracing the Unseen: 5 Common Experiences of Adult ADHD Diagnosis

Therapists Are People, Too

As a therapist, I also struggle with practicing self-care and setting boundaries with loved ones. I don’t always know the perfect thing to say to a friend who’s grieving, and I occasionally worry about blurting out something awkward at a Sage Therapy event. People find this endearing, right?

I also have late-diagnosed ADHD.

My Journey to an ADHD Diagnosis

After a lifetime of going back and forth on my decision, I finally requested a referral from my therapist to get tested for ADHD, inattentive type.

The Imposter Syndrome was real. Like many people, especially those of marginalized genders, who receive an ADHD diagnosis as an adult, I was never described as hyperactive growing up. I did well in school. I’ve always been a good listener.

Basically, I never fit the stereotype for ADHD: a rambunctious boy running in circles at recess, shouting “squirrel!” in the middle of conversations.

So, my diagnosis was overlooked. And, like many others, I suffered.

What I Learned After My Diagnosis

One thing I learned after receiving my diagnosis is how ADHD symptoms can change throughout different stages of life.

Women may experience an increase in ADHD symptoms around puberty as hormonal fluctuations begin. Symptoms can also change during the luteal phase of the menstrual cycle, pregnancy, and perimenopause or menopause.

Women also tend to receive ADHD diagnoses later in life.

Learning something so important about yourself later in life can be incredibly powerful. It can help explain experiences that once felt confusing, frustrating, or even like personal failures.

Here are some common experiences shared by people who receive an ADHD diagnosis later in life.

1. Struggling to Embrace the Diagnosis

Many people have a hard time accepting that ADHD is not simply an excuse for laziness, messiness, selfishness, ineptitude, or not being a “real adult.”

We often carry these harsh beliefs about ourselves for years, so our self-perception doesn’t change overnight.

Laziness does not exist.

Receiving a diagnosis can help us understand that many of the challenges we experienced were not character flaws.

2. Grief and Anger About a Late Diagnosis

It’s not uncommon to wonder what life might have looked like if we had known about our neurodivergence earlier.

What opportunities might we have pursued? What challenges might have been easier to navigate? What if we had developed more self-compassion sooner?

Many late-diagnosed ADHDers also find themselves processing complicated feelings toward parents, teachers, or other adults who were part of their childhood.

Even when we understand that caregivers and educators did the best they could with the information they had, it can still be difficult not to experience hurt, anger, or resentment.

3. Difficulty Sharing the Diagnosis

Sharing an ADHD diagnosis with others can feel vulnerable.

What if people don’t believe me? What if they minimize my diagnosis? What if they assume that because I’m “high-functioning,” I shouldn’t struggle?

Later-in-life diagnoses can also come as a surprise to family members. Conversations with loved ones may sometimes bring up denial, defensiveness, guilt, or shame.

For many people, deciding who to tell and when to share can be a process in itself.

4. Validation and Relief

If I’ve learned one thing as a therapist, it’s this:

We all make sense.

After receiving a diagnosis, many ADHDers gain a deeper understanding and appreciation for themselves.

Challenges that were once viewed as personal shortcomings can instead be understood through the lens of ADHD and neurodivergence.

We are neurodivergent people living in a neurotypical world.

That shift in perspective can bring tremendous validation and relief.

5. Finding Hope

Working with clients who have received ADHD diagnoses as adults has allowed me to witness a lot of grief, but also lots and lots of hope.

With this new understanding, we have the opportunity to seek support, discover helpful tools, and develop genuine self-compassion.

A diagnosis does not erase the challenges, but it can give us a new framework for understanding ourselves and moving forward.

Exploring ADHD Without a Formal Diagnosis

Pursuing an official diagnosis isn’t everyone’s goal, and it doesn’t have to be.

Some people prefer to explore their symptoms independently or discuss their experiences with a therapist. Others may benefit from a processing group designed for women and other marginalized genders who have received an ADHD diagnosis as an adult or are currently exploring what ADHD means to them.

A New Processing Group for Late-Diagnosed ADHDers

This fall, Sage Therapy is launching a processing group for late-diagnosed ADHDers.

The group will provide an opportunity to explore the experience of receiving an ADHD diagnosis later in life, process complicated emotions, connect with others who share similar experiences, and develop greater self-understanding and self-compassion.